Amazon – WON!

Chapter 12 cont’d

Okay, let’s get this confession out of the way early.

After trying everything I could possibly think of behind the waterfall (and reloading my saved game multiple times because I can only try a few things before dying) I was totally out of ideas.

Rather than request assistance without having made any progress, I decided it was time to test out the game’s hint system. I turned hints on and question marked some of the items in the area.

Hmmm. So perhaps I need to get the arrow carving tip at head level before talking to it? I’d tried talking to all parts of the door hoping one of Maya’s people was on the other side, but had no luck. I didn’t have any luck trying to get my head in line with the carving and then talking to it either, so I checked out another hint.

“THIS IS WHERE THE ADVENTURE COMES TO A HEAD.”

Great. So now I’ve spent two tips on basically the same information. Thanks, hint section. Any other hints that might be useful?

“YOU NEED TO FOLLOW IN MAYA’S FOOTSTEPS.”

So maybe I need to step on each section of blood to open the door? I tried a few more things based on those hints. And I checked out the other hints in the area. But none of the level 1 tips helped. So I turned on more detailed tips.

Checking out a level 2 hint on the arrow carving’s tip gave me an answer.

Okay. I DID need an arrow at the campsite. That was the hint I needed.

I was a bit upset that the two hints about using my head were only useful if I already had an arrow head in my inventory. I seriously doubt the kind of person who wouldn’t have tried using an arrow head on an arrow head carving would have gotten this fair in the game in the first place. Anyway,  let’s get back to it.

Flashback: Chapter 11

Reloading back to the campsite, I used my geiger counter everywhere. The jeep and the left side of the jungle had ‘high’ amounts of radiation. I clicked all around the jeep and jungle in case part of it was a different hotspot, like the middle of the bridge or truck door earlier. Apart from the other trees in the surrounding jungle, there are five light green coloured bushes in the game. Four of them give the same name and description as the rest of the background –

JUNGLE – The steamy jungle surrounds the site of the massacre. Jungle plants are already starting to encroach on the clearing made by Allen’s party.

One of the bushes does not have the same description, and can be moved. Is it graphically different to any other part of the jungle? No – no it is not. Does this annoy me? Yes – yes it does.

Forget about the deliberately obscure bush. Is there any information in the game that tells me that Amazonian arrows are radioactive? Why the hell are they radioactive?

So, now I have the arrow I need. It’s back to the waterfall. But first…

You better believe that’s another 17 minutes of paddling!

On the bright side I did discover a new death I hadn’t seen before – we get eaten by cannibals if we take a wrong turn on the river.

Chapter 12 cont’d cont’d

Stone sentinels with bows? Am I back on the Isle of the Beast?

The statues shoot at me for a while as I dodge their arrows to get partway across the bridge. Then Sanchez breaks through the secret door and goes totally insane.

Luckily, Sanchez and his men shoot the stone sentinels first instead of me.

So… stone bleeds and has a skeleton now – if you say so, game.

I quickly come to the solution (after getting shot by Sanchez the first time through, of course) – I use my lit explosives on the bridge and leg it to the other side.

Now that I’ve destroyed the people trying to steal the emeralds and expose them to the outside world, I’m sure the Amazon women will be happy with me.

Death by Snoo-snoo?

Having played two It Came From the Desert games – I know that face well!

Chapter 13

The next scene gives me time to do a few things before a large gate opens and a giant ant walks towards me. Unsurprisingly, I die the first time.

I believe they’re called mandibles rather than jaws. Did I mention I’m an expert on giant ants?

Having looked around before dying the first time, I spring to action on a reload and do stuff as quickly as I can.

• I take a skeleton’s bootlaces.
• I take the spear sticking out of the skeleton’s chest.
• I use my knife on a flower that oozes thick sugary-sweet sap.
• I combine the spear with the laces, and then with the knife to create a knife spear.
• I try to get a torch but take too long.

• I try everything again but don’t have time to cut the flower before the ant reaches me

At least I can die knowing I’m delicious!

Are giant ants common in this area, or is this the last of its kind and they keep it to kill men who find their temple?

Chapter 14

An Amazon woman appears at the temple doorway. It’s Maya, but it seems she’s been given a makeover.

Well, it turns out the ‘gift’ the Amazons had been protecting is magic water.

The water gives the ability to live forever but the price of receiving the water is that you can never leave and must serve as a priestess in the temple.

I’m not sure if the magic water reminds me more of the Fountain of Youth, which some legends place in South America, or the Indiana Jones version of The Holy Grail, which has the same rules as this water.

Then Maya says something I don’t fully understand…

Wait. You’re telling me you’ve been scouting for hundreds of years, but you’ve only just now received the never-die water which forces you to stay in the temple? So the average lifespan of a non-magically-watered Amazon is already counted in hundreds of years?

Maya offers me the emeralds on the condition I reveal nothing about her people. But she gives me another option.

Endless wealth, or the love of an Amazon priestess? Tough choice.

Or maybe not so tough.

Question: Will all the other Amazons put on their formal bikinis for our wedding?

I didn’t get to choose the emeralds instead of Maya, as Chapter 14 was entirely a non-interactive cutscene, but let’s face facts, I would have chosen Maya anyway.

Bonus – Bad Ending!

And now that I’ve finished the game I reload my waterfall save and try to waste all my hints so I can get the less complete ending. I’m pretty sure Access got their best pun writer to write these hints.

I don’t mind the bad pun, but you took 3 IQ points from me and haven’t actually told me anything useful!

In my effort to waste hints, I end up using so many that the game stops giving them to me and insults my intelligence.

So, I play on and get mostly the same ending as before, but instead of getting the girl and winning the game, I get some cartoon failure music while Maya turns her back on me and breaks the fourth wall.

Wah. Waaaaaah.

Session time: 1 hour 5 minutes
Total time:12 hours 5 minutes
Inventory: I probably still have Jason’s car keys – maybe I can send them back home and give Male and Female guard a car for a wedding present!
Actors in the credits using their stripper names: 4 – Dixie Kupps, Candy Barr, Bobby Shorts and Flint Eastwood